New life

This blog is meant to be open to everyone.

My 7th day in Australia.

Today is the second day I stay in the hostel,
yet it's still so empty and quiet.
I never expect this challenge is coming to me.
I thought I'm good enough in adapting loneliness,
throughout these years.
but this is another level of loneliness,
I need my friends so much more than ever.

Since my family left me,
My emotion has been completely broken down,
in front of laptop, on the bed
My memories in the past is rewinding.
I hated how good they treat me,
buying anything I need for me.
It reminds me of some events in the past,
all the feelings are coming back just like it happened yesterday.

For the nights at hotel in Melbourne and Launceston,
I hope they switch off the light earlier and get to bed.
so I can cry in my own bed silently,
I can't really know what's wrong with me.
I'm so afraid of splitting more than ever, I really cant take it anymore.
Am I really such a weak person? or being sensitive..maybe both
I don't want to disappoint them but the pressure is building up every second while I can't even control my own emotion well.
I'm just that lame in handling personal emotion and I rather wish that I don't have any emotion towards anything.
How much I wish to stop my brain from functioning that time.

Very tough nights in Launceston,
the city is so much different to Melbourne,
foods are more difficult to get,
public transport service is limited.
sister and I got food poisoning and parents sent us to hospital at night.
Sister's condition was more critical, she is recovering
well my diarrhea is just starting now.
the feeling of nauseous is worsen my emotion and affected my appetite much.
but I guess I will go through it well.

I wish to grab, to hold, to hug.
Perhaps the most painful thing in the world is you cannot tell a thing to who you wish to tell.
Hiding in the heart.

Now they have reached Kuala Lumpur safely and giving me support all the way,
:)
I have to tell myself,
Everything will be fine,
you will be okay and  be tough,
new life chin kong, new life.